Being True to Yourself

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen |  Self-Portrait

“The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”  Dave Chappelle

I love this quote because now that the internet has taken over the world, we are judged by many from all over the world through social media.  Even those of us who own a website are not safe. I remember years ago, when I felt more comfortable being myself around friends. I didn’t feel like I had to be perfect around those I loved and cared about.  The game changed with the internet.

This became immensely true with the emergence of social media. It seemed so innocent at first when I launched my first profile.  I thought, ‘This could be fun.” It was suggested I join by a member of my first multi-level marketing company.  What I realized at first, was it seemed to be a dangerous and problematic dating site, with all the strange messages from God knows who and from God knows where.  The more I ignored the messages, the easier it got, but this took time. 

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen  |  Self-Portrait

I later saw the opportunities it could bring from a business aspect. At that time, I had not started “Tamarah’s Closet,” so I used it for my network company business. Although I was not successful at multi-level marketing, it was through that, I learned I had a gift to write.  I began writing inspirational posts almost daily. As the years went by, my writing got better and better.  I gained many new Facebook friends this way. It felt heartwarming to know that my writing helped people, as they would tell me in the comments. There is a world of hurt going on, and this was a new gift that I could use to help people. Then I launched “Tamarah’s Closet”, and my journey began. I started my show by interviewing people from all over the world in the arts, and all things related to my passions, which are many.

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen  |  "Tamarah's Closet" Magazine Covers

What was the catch?  I had just set myself up for the greatest judgment of all, the haters. I remember years ago, when I was solely a hairstylist, one of my clients was a published writer.  I loved her and enjoyed listening to her stories. One thing she shared with me is the difficulties in writing fiction, for she found that some people thought she was writing about them. What she shared with me, was that while she didn’t write about anyone in particular, she may use certain characteristics of people she had known, to develop the personality of a character.  However, with that said, the person was not actually the character, just some of their character traits.

As an inspirational writer, I thought I would be okay, but what happened was some people thought I was either writing about what was currently going on in my life or I was writing about them.  Therein came the judgment. I am a positive person, yet people think when you are writing to help, you never have a negative thought yourself, and they put you on a pedestal you cannot live on. Today, we have the problem of the easily offended to deal with.  This can create a whole new level of judgment. What is meant to be a bit of a healing and teaching essay can turn into something completely different, and the writer can feel like he is forever having to defend himself. The world certainly has changed. For me, what will not change is my self-respect and my right to be myself.

Often when I write, it is through my own wisdom, either from past experiences, or from others' past experiences they have shared. It may reflect what is going on in the world today. I have learned a great deal over the years through being an avid reader of self-help books and going to seminars of such. I have had my own personal healing over the years, and I believe in paying it forward. I never expected judgment to come with it. Most of the time, there isn’t any judgment; however, when you make a decision to change yourself or better yourself, it often threatens those around you.  We can be, do, and have anything our hearts desire through hard work, overcoming obstacles, and through a “try, try again” path until we get it right. This can be intimating to those who do not have the courage to step into their own, so they can be, do and have what they desire.

 Back to Dave Chappelle’s Quote

Dave Chappelle’s quote hits home with me, for the mere right to be free in this country is what gives us the freedom to be ourselves, without judgment. It is freedom of speech. Whenever you make the decision to change your life through stepping into your dream, you will offend people. Today, more than ever, the average person is very insecure, and it is often those who seem quite the opposite.

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen   |   Model: Presley Bush

There is a child within each of us, screaming to have the love, the courage, the attention we feel we deserve, yet never had, and are desperately seeking. This child wants to be loved nurtured and lifted more than anything and when we don’t get it, the anger can take control, spiraling us into a depression. Well, if you have not heard it yet, you will hear it now: the best thing for depression is to take action. If the person or people won’t change, change the people you are with. I learned this from working on a Hollywood movie set for the movie, “Hellraiser III:  Hell on Earth.  Lawrence Mortorff was the producer, and it was he who shared this with me. He was married to Lindsay Wagoner at the time. I spoke with him a few times on the set, and he seemed like a very wise man. I was going through some tough times and he gave me a piece of advice. It is often complete strangers that will step into your life and teach you something by chance.

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen |  Self-Portait |  "Tamarah's Closet Interviews" Streaming Now on Canyon Star TV

One must develop a thick skin to start your destined journey.  It’s not a perfect world, and your enemies are out there. Your circle of influence will become tighter and tighter the higher you go, but don’t sacrifice being true to yourself to make others comfortable around you. That is not your job or your joy.  Your joy, your happiness, and your peace of mind will come when you learn to let people go who are not for you, and stay true to yourself by being yourself. Who else can you be?   

Watch Your Coattails

One last thing to remember is the higher you go, the more people will try riding your coattails.  They want to use your success and ride with it to avoid their hard work. I won’t fall for this, especially after all the hard work, blood, sweat, and tears I’ve endured. I’ve had many tears of frustration and much heartbreak. While I love lifting and helping people, I have had to learn what others' intentions are and be mindful of who they are. Use your intuition. This is very important in a world of cutting corners.  

Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen |  Models:  Presley Bush and Tamarah Ellen

Lastly, learn when to say no. With the magazine and my show, many people want me to share their stories and talents or celebrate them in some fashion.  It is difficult to say no to people, but at the end of the day, it is business. It’s okay to want to help people; you can do it in many ways, but you cannot jeopardize your business to make someone happy. At some point, you must learn to do what is best for your business.

Develop your thick skin, be yourself, work hard, guard your heart, protect your business, walk away from the wrong people, and go to bed with integrity and self-respect. Forgive yourself and others.

“God will always bring the right people into your life, but you have to let the wrong people walk away.”  Joel Osteen

To your own success, Rock it!

Tamarah Ellen