I don’t remember how old I was when I first began dreaming of love.  What I do remember, is one particular moment where I was daydreaming out the window of the backseat of my father’s car, of my dream home.  It’s one of the few vivid memories I have of my childhood.

Photography by Olan Mills

Every other Sunday my parents would take myself and my two brothers and sister to Yadkinville to spend the day with our grandparents, on our mother’s side.  It was just under an hour drive and I was sitting in the back seat behind my mother, staring out the window dreaming of my future.

My sister would always sit up front between my parents, and my brother Larry would sit behind my father, my brother Doug in the middle and I would always get the window seat behind my mother.   If we weren’t teasing each other in the back or fighting, I would be gazing out the window dreaming of what could be.

I remember one special moment very vividly; I was dreaming I would one day have a big plantation like home, with lots of land around it with green pastures, full of beautiful horses and dogs running around playing.  My home would be a big white home, like ones I’d seen in Georgia or in the movies, with big columns and wrap around porch.   There would be a big beautiful foyer when you walked in with a huge chandelier and lots of space and it was the most picturesque place.    I would have a beautiful husband and he would adore me and there would be a driveway running down in the middle of the pastures towards the home and horses would run on either side to greet the driver as they made they way towards the mansion.

Photo Credit:  Tamarah Ellen

While most young girls I imagine, dreamed of meeting their handsome Prince Charming, who would whisk them off their feet, buy them a beautiful home, marry and have children living happily ever after; that wasn’t what I dreamed of.   In my dream, I would meet my handsome Prince, yet I would have my own success.  I would have a wonderful and exciting career, creating my own life as well.  I dreamed together we would change the world and make a difference.   Once again, I didn’t fit the ordinary young girls’ fantasy of being taken care of.  I wanted my Prince to be my emotional rescue, but together we would finance our dreams!

Photography by Tim Talley

It was a beautiful dream and I remember how it felt dreaming it that day, as I gazed out the window.   I was young and always dreamed of a better life.  I would wonder why some people in this world seemed to have it all and others didn’t.   I couldn’t understand.  Was it luck?  Were they more special than others; more worthy?   Why didn’t my parents have that special luck or why weren’t they anointed with that favor of God? 

Photography by Tim Talley

I also wondered, “Was I the only one that questioned this.   Why was I so different?  Why did I seem to be the only one that asked the questions?”   From that moment on, it seemed my life took a path in search of finding my way to my dreams.   Why could others have their dreams and I couldn’t?  I wouldn’t take no for an answer and so the search began.

Photography by Tim Talley

Well, the young girl got married a time or two, or three; had one fairy-tale wedding and a nice abundant career until she didn’t.  While her whole world turned upside down, the dream farm lost in a divorce, she knows one thing for sure.  She is stronger than ever before, she is still standing and she is a fighter who won’t be taken down.   She had the farm with the beautiful pastures and horses and dogs running everywhere until she didn’t.   While she lost everything, she did not lose her spirit, her spunk or her fight.  

Snapshot of my wedding portrait which was photographed by Tim Talley

Surprisingly enough, this dreamer still believes in love, even though she shouldn't! She still believes in her dreams!  Dreams change and make way for new & better dreams!   While she doesn't dream of being married, she dreams of a life long partner to share her journey with.   Patience is a virtue and she believes in forever; not settling for anything less than forever!

Snapshot from a guest:  My brother Larry walking me into the indoor riding arena where I designed my own wedding.  My groom built this archway and I designed it with loads of tule fabric I had bought over time.  My friend Sheila Paquette (R.I.P.) helped me put it together in my kitchen.  Then it was taken to Flintrock Farm. 

Snapshot after wedding by guest:   Horse-driven carriage by Jay Lankford, my husband Jerry and his friend Mac in the wheelchair who sang at our wedding; my sister Montine and the minister who married us.

 She (being me) is ready to take on 2020 like no year before and the Prince she once dreamed of as a young girl, will have the time of his life when he appears;  and together they will build a life together worth fighting for.    God did it for me once, and he will do it for me again;  only this time we get it right; by right I mean forever!   For the hopeless romantic, life = love!

This trip down memory lane has been fun!  Pictures are worth a million words and why I became a photographer.   A memory will never replace what I've enjoyed looking at these old printed photos. 

A new decade has begun and Winston Churchill said, " The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see."   The past is what creates our future, for the lessons we learned shape us into who we are to become.  I'm not perfect, but I am imperfectly perfect for a special life partner who is worthy of my imperfections and I am perfect for my dreams.  

Kudos to that young girl who gazed out the window so many times, on her way to Yadkinville.  Kudos to the woman she has become today.  Kudos to me!

Don't forget your past, because it's what made you who you are today.   Let go of the hurt, but remember the lessons!  Leave me your thoughts and comments on your dreams!

Tamarah Ellen