The Art of Being a Victim

 Allowing yourself to be a victim is the greatest injustice to yourself.  Not all situations are the same, and sometimes life deals us a bad hand at certain times.  We have a choice whether to be a victim or a victor. Did you know that for some people, being a victim is their art form?  

We’ve all been or felt victimized at some point in our lives. Various reasons can make us feel this way when we go through a very tragic event or trauma. Of course, nothing compares to those who are victims of crimes, but that’s not what I refer to here.  I am referring to those who seem to live in their victim-hood their entire life, each time life gives them lemons or they don’t get what they want.

Supermodel Presley Bush as "The Joker" | Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen

Hair and Makeup:  Tamarah Ellen

Social media is the victim’s favorite stage!  They have an unlimited audience just by making a public post of their drama; drama they created.  It’s great!  The perfect place to rant and rave about how life gave them a bad deal, or how someone hurt their feelings or called them out in a situation. We see this almost daily, especially now with politics during an election year. While it is good to care for and console victims in their initial rant, one must be aware of the whole truth, which, just like the news, is usually fake.  Consoling a victim on social media is probably not a good idea especially for the career victims.

“People will provoke you until they bring out your ugly side, then play victim when you go there.”  Unknown

Victim or Victor

 I learned a lot about victim-hood many years ago when I began my personal development journey.  I started listening to an incredible motivational speaker, Jeffery Combs, in California and attending several seminars.  He had the greatest card he would hand out and on the back, it said, “Drop the Drama.”  He talked about this quite a bit.  He has had a fantastic journey going from a severe alcoholic to a sober millionaire entrepreneurial motivational speaker. He dropped the drama.  I learned a great deal from Jeffery Combs and began looking at my own life and my drama.  Hence, my journey began. Now that I have been on social media for several years, I have witnessed great drama and many victims. We learn a lot when we observe and take notes.Shame on any of us who live in victim-hood or encourage it.

Joel Osteen also speaks a lot about being a victor versus a victim. I listen to Joel Osteen quite a bit and he has helped me get through some very difficult times in my life.  It is better to be a victor in the grand scheme of things. Life is better when things are victorious and they will be when one decides to stop being a victim.

 Supermodel:  Presley Bush  | Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen  Hair:  Tamarah Ellen

The victims run rampant, and the most notorious are those who have mastered their victim-hood into art. They are the artist and director, and master manipulators of their craft. The masters are the ones that have learned how to shift their wrongs or behavior around, then justifying their behavior.  Suddenly, whatever actions they have taken, or wrongs they have done, they shift the blame onto someone else, and miraculously metamorphose themselves into the victim.

“People who are always seeking attention and bragging about themselves are compensating for the insecurities that they have deep down inside. A truly confident person doesn’t need to draw attention to themselves because they know who they are, their worth. Others will see that naturally and compliment them.”  (curiosity.net)

In my research, I learned these notorious victims are often somewhat narcissistic. They are constantly in need of attention.  They may use constant bragging to seek this needed attention.  I learned from Jeffery Combs many years ago that one must learn to address one's situation, take responsibility for one's role in one's life, and then work on changing. Jeffery has coached many alcoholics and drug addicts and has a great understanding of this victim mentality and taking control of one’s life and actions, for they do have consequences.

“Don’t play the victim in situations you created.”  Christopher Ferry (Addiction Recovery Advocate, Motivational Speaker)

None of us are perfect, yet when we are willing to drop the drama and begin on a great personal development journey, as we begin to change, our lives will change.  Today, in our world, with the drama of politics and this incessant need to divide the people of our great nation, the drama is overkill. The only way to repair the world is for each and every one of us to refuse to tap into the drama and find ways to work on our own selves, versus force and manipulate others. When we continue to play in the social media playground, working hard to prove our theories to be right, we all begin to deteriorate into victims once again.  Refuse to be a victim.  Make the effort to work hard on your personal development journey and don’t spend time with those who want to remain victims, and want to remain negative, hopeless.   

Change is Good

When we want to change from being a victim to a victor, we must be willing to change. A great first step in change, is something I read from motivational speaker, Jeffery Combs, owner of Golden Mastermind Seminars, LLC, says, “On improving your self-esteem, accept where you are, forgive yourself, and be grateful.”

Tamarah Ellen, CEO of Tamarah's Closet LLC | Photographer | Writer | Host of Tamarah's Closet Live Interviews on Canyon Star TV | Self-Portrait

For me, I can’t be around victims. I’ve come a long way in life, and I must continue to move forward.  For social media purposes, I have learned to not take it seriously, for the victims, and narcissists run deep there.  I step away and work to focus on the areas I need to work on, and then I remember “It’s just Facebook.”

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."  Unknown

Supermodel:  Presley Bush  |  Photographer:  Tamarah Ellen | Hair: Tamarah Ellen

Don’t give the victims the attention they seek. Remove yourself from the drama online and keep your circle of influence tight and neat. Surround yourself with better people, who encourage you, lift you and want to see you succeed. And of course, last, be forever grateful for where you are, what you have accomplished so far, and remember timing is everything on our journey. God’s timing is different from ours, so stay in faith. If you are a believer, things will work out as planned.  Enjoy the journey. 

To your own success, rock it!

Tamarah Ellen