To Know Me, Is to Love Me

It has taken me years to accept that everyone won’t like me.   I used to spend time worrying about what people would say about me, wondering why someone didn’t like me.   I would spend wasted time worrying about frivolous things: “Was it something I said?  I shouldn’t have said this, or was it that?   Why did they look at me like that?”   And so on with all types of self-questions I asked myself.   It's a useless waste of time.

I remember when I began my personal development journey, and traveling across the country to great seminars with highly success speakers; business speakers, motivation speakers and spiritual speakers, etc.    One time I went on this Breakthrough Seminar to Success held by Jeffery Combs out in California.   It was an amazing seminar and an eye opener, to say the least.    In this seminar there were people from all different parts of the country, and all different levels of their journey.  We had some already rising leaders to newly participants beginning their journey, as well as those in between.    One common denominator in the group, is we all had our brokenness.    We all had our own inner negative self-talk and self-doubt.  Some of the seemingly, strongest people in the group, shed the greatest tears and showed an incredible amount of vulnerability.  It was an eye-opener for me.  A very freeing eye opener. 

I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had self-doubt.  I wasn’t alone in the negative self-talk, and I certainly wasn’t the only broken person in the room.  We were everywhere.   We have all spent time in our own self-pity parties believing, or thinking others don’t like us, or will judge us.  Well, guess what?  They do.  They do judge us, from the minute they lay eyes on us, and we do it too.   People make their first impressions of us through the way we look through our first eye contact.  

We go by the way someone makes us feel, at our first initial meeting, which is why first impressions are so important.    We even sum people up, before we’ve even met them, through someone else’s opinion of them.   That’s not good.   We’ve all done it.   Different strokes for different folks, and why we shouldn’t do this.   Personalities can clash and so what’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander.   We all sing a different tune, or beat to our own drum anyhow; that's what makes us unique. 

Imagine some of the great relationships we could be having, if we gave people a chance.  The only way to form an opinion,  is by spending time with them and getting to know them.  Ergo, “To know me is to love me” falls into play. It's called trust.  We have to take these chances, and no, it's not easy.   We really don’t know someone until we’ve spent quality time with them, and even then we don’t really know.  In today’s busy world, especially with the internet and social media, we sum people up before giving them that face to face chance.   People cast hate or dislike by something someone posts on their page, or by their political views.  They judge them by their friends list even, which really are friends at all.  We are passing judgement without cause.

This can be dangerous in our businesses, and I can tell you why.  How many times have you done business with someone and find they are reliable, excellent at their work, and yet you know nothing about them?  You know nothing about them, and you may not have anything or little in common, but you work well together.  What if you had met them at a networking event, and because of what someone else had said, you didn't work with them.   Imagine the great work relationships you would have  missed, had you listened to someone else. Imagine the great contacts you could lose, if you think you had to be ‘buddies’ with everyone you work with. 

It's Just Business

In this competitive world, now more than ever, we must put our personalities & judgment aside, and develop good working relationships; which means we don’t have to be friends, just friendly.   The way you do this, is by stop caring about what others may or may not think of you.   It’s just business.   You don't have to socialize with the people you work with, you just respect them and their work.  As long as you feel they have good work ethics, then you don't need to be buddies!

Today, I have learned to stop caring what people think about me.  I know I am a good person, and I know who I am.  I am proud of who I am, and I am very aware that not everyone will like me.  To know me is to love me, because if you don’t know me, then you can’t judge me.  We don’t have to have much in common to work well together.  It’s not a marriage, but a business relationship and I personally, want to work with sharp and great people.

 We also can't judge people because they have different opinions than us.  We all have different views on life, in politics and in spirituality.  This shouldn't stand in the way of our business relationships or friendships, yet sometimes people let that offend them.   I don't care what your politics or your religion is;  I care that we can get along and work together or be friends, regardless of these things.   The solution to this, is don't talk about our differences; talk about our common grounds and our positive passions!   That is how we keep the peace!   Don't push your opinions on others.  Respect we all have opinions and enjoy each other's special talents and gifts, and for who the person is without these things in mind. 

I am a work in progress, as we all should be, and next time someone starts a little gossip, its up to you and I, to make our own fair opinions of other people, through getting to know them.  It’s really that simple.   Don't let someone else talk you out of a great work relationship.   Obviously, there are some things we need to listen to others about; such as their bad experiences with someone that merits our attention.    If it's just a personality thing, then that's not as important. 

It's natural to want people to like us.  I wish everyone would love me, but that isn't a healthy mindset because it sets me up for disappointment & failure.   As long as I know its just business, then my work flow goes much better.   It can actually be more beneficial to keeps things strictly business.  

Once I learned to stop caring what people thought about me, then I started feeling better about myself.  I became happier and most of all, much more confident about myself.  I began to love myself and the woman I’ve become, and nothing else matters.   Love yourself first, and then the world around you will appear much brighter and happier! 

I hope this helps you find peace and comfort in who you are.  Love yourself and learn to get to know others without judgment.  You don’t want to miss out on some great relationships! 

Meet some of the great people I've met who've been guest on my LIVE Internet Show, Tamarah's Closet!   

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Tamarah Ellen